I was wondering what to write in this post and then an email arrived from one of my cyber friends via the “contact me” page. It was intended as a comment and having read it (reproduced here in its entirety), a reply is deserved as this is something which affects us all when we eat with friends whether we are on a restrictive diet or not.
Subject:
wheat free, dairy free, sugar free
Message:
I find a diet comprised of home prepared food from staple ingredients
makes this diet a lot easier to follow, as processed food will
invariably draw on one of these key food “groups”. Is this easy to
achieve when one is both time poor and cash poor? Depends on how you
prioritize your time: as an more mature woman, I tend to have a fairly
unpredictable lifestyle, and I am not fitting in with anybody else,
i.e., on the whole, I am not accommodating social eating, which brings
a whole new set of challenges. Oh how I disliked anyone that came to
my kitchen that “couldn t eat this, were allergic to that”, and as for
those that spoiled any mealtime with some discourse on weight, oh
dear…not much tolerance of these behaviours were shown by me…so,
what then is the solution? Maybe if you have special needs dietary
requirements you should take something that you enjoy along with you
to share…and seriously people, unless you hang out with people who
like the “ain’t it awful” conversation about weight, leave that out
when someone is trying to be hospitable…if you don t want it, leave
it, discreetly, is my suggestion.
I’m in my forties and as a child was expected to eat whatever was put in front of me leaving nothing except a clean plate. This extended to eating at other peoples’ homes as well. Never express an opinion, eat whatever is given and finish it up.
Now I am not necessarily saying that this is a great way to approach eating; particularly not the eating everything up bit. Sometimes enough is enough and leaving a bit shows your host that you have had enough to eat. Sometimes your host asks you what you would like to eat because they genuinely want to know and give you something you enjoy.
The writer of this email though is expressing some very common frustrations. Why should we expect people to cater to our whims just because we are coming to dinner?
It is a tricky one to call. If you have an allergy or intolerance that will make you ill then eating the food because you have been given it is clearly wrong. Better to offer to bring your own food which will probably relieve your host who won’t want to inadvertently poison you. The same may also be true if you are following a difficult or obscure diet. The host wants your company, not a whole lot of worry.
The rest is a complete minefield of grey areas and hidden bombs though. If you are a vegetarian and your host serves you meat, should you eat it? Well I did on the couple of occasions it happened in the 28 years I was veggie or vegan but that was because I personally see nothing wrong with eating meat. I was idealistically out to save the planet by reducing the amount of meat eaten (I know, I know!). If you really don’t like something, should you eat it? Should your host try to find out what guests like to eat before planning a meal?
The last point? I honestly don’t know the answer to that one. I hope that I’m not a diet bore and don’t think that I have told anyone exactly how much I weigh or even talked about it. If anyone out there disagrees then I can only humbly apologise and promise to mend my ways.
